"i dont feel happy..i am all so sappy..dont be like me..it is scary..like living in solitary.."
well this is what i feel right now..i dont know why..coz since morning till the evening, i was fine..i mean, i was laughing with my friends and so..then..in a flick..i went all sappy..maybe coz the song i heard in farah's car..and..the fact that it's raining..it compliments well with the mood..
well..put that aside..my post for today..after a few days since the last post..is this..well..i wanna tell ya guys a secret..maybe..ya guys think i'm faking it..but..got to tell ya, i wont lie if im in a not-so-good mood..and a secret wont actually stay that long..somehow a person will spill it someday..whether the owner of the secret, or it emerge to other people's ear itself..oh did i make it sound so serious? lol well..here it goes..WHEN I WAS YOUNG..I USED TO..WANNA BE A RAPPER..there i said it! now, i could see some of ya guys making weird faces, gestures and scratches..
well..again..im not lying to ya..it's not about TOP and his devotion to rap, hip hop music..no no no..let me tell ya the real story..i have a brother who loves rnb and hip hop music..so..when i was like this lil kid..he's been giving me these kinda songs to listen to..well actually, i've been hearing his songs though i didnt even know what it meant..he listens to bone thugs and harmony, fat joe, fabulous, jay z, p diddy of course, notorious B.I.G and some other rappers too..even the underground rappers..he even listens to chinese rappers like LMF..well..practically so did i..since i've been following whatever he listens to, clothings and stuff..yes..i wore and still wearing baggy shirts and jeans..i even lowered my jeans..lol it's funny but my brother is my biggest influence..and he likes it when i followed him..but now, he asked me to lessen the guys kinda thing and more to lady like..lol
so, i think when i was in elementary school..i used to try to rap..just following the words of the lyrics..though it's kinda funny since, im not that good in english that time..but still, i copied it..i know..it must sounded so horrible..lol..then..as i grow older..like..between the end of elementary life to high school life..i kinda know what's rap..the words..and stuff..starting to understand the meanings too..and im into cornrows..dreadlocks..those kinda things..hehehe..which i did the hairstyles..hehehe
and from that..i start to rap, though it's below than mediocre..lol..i mean like..yeah, for me..i think..it's freestyle..but i only did it for a few lines..and i tried to make it as rhythmic as possible..ehehe..but im more to just use the rap existed in a song..following the flow..singing and rapping..and normally i just do it to myself..i dont do it publicly..hehehe afraid of embarrassment, i supposed..well..somehow..i do came up with a few lines and put it somewhere for status..like the ones up here..i put it up as my fb status and ym too..hehehe by writing it and posting it as status, i'll have the positive feeling..but rapping it, literally..oh gosh..DUN WANNA!
"now i feel a bit of happiness in me..coz mama called maybe..the sadness fly free..like a bee..oh em gee..dont sting me..it's not worthy..like seriously..trust me.."
hehehe..that's how i feel now..heheh..n yeah..it's bad right? lol at least..i've tried..hehehe well..back to the story..i even tried to compose in malay..which sounded so "jiwang"..or too romantic? lol..sometimes, i think i composed it so gibberish-ly..which i dont know..hahahah i just wanna laugh at it..like this one..the one above this paragraph..i think it's totally a crap..gibberish..lol
well..im just doing this for fun..so i dont mind if it's stink or sucks or whatever ya guys wanna put it as..but im open to any criticism! hehehe well..im not good with words..so i dont expect much..it's not like im a pro or something..hehehe if i am, i'll so happy..i guess..hehehe well..like i said..i used to dream on becoming a rapper..which i doubt would be possible..lol but somehow, the dream seems to relive back in me..lol but..again..i wont do it publicly..unless..writing it..a few lines..then, that's it..it's good enough to rap others' words in their own songs..rather than me, composing and trying to use other people's song to go with the words..it will sound bad..horrible..extremely low than mediocre..lol
yeah..that's bout it yo..and i think..i should get a notebook to keep those words of mine..so that it can be my reminiscents..right?
fin
p/s : listening to TOP's 'to act as if nothing's wrong' (repeating it again and again) while writing this post..it inspires me..a lot..lol
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