dat is how i felt d nite b4..i was crashed n burned..my heart torn..i juz dunnoe wat 2 say..it did quite crushed me..devastated wif wat happened and i felt so damn stupid..i do still think dat m stupid coz giving myself d chance..owh..how am i so blind?? how can i not realise?? owh..bitter heart of mine..
but now..d pain starts to fade..giving me a space to breathe n think things wisely..tho i hv to face it each n every day without backing down..i guess d pain will come n haunt me..but..i'll try..try to look good..try to be normal..but..no fuss..i got my family..i got my fwenz..i suppose, they can be d reason for me to move on wif my life..besides, there is a lot of things i shud think of..assgmnts, presntations n bla3..n it's almost fasting month..better 2 think bout wat to eat or to prepare for the holy month..better than to be emo..hahaa..
no..its not one's fault..i do, too, one of d reasons for all these..no3..i’m d main reason..it's a mess..i made tis mess..m d one who created it..m too carried away..obviously..wat I’ve done, my feelings and reactions are definitely noticeable..i guess surroundgs made me do all tis..i am not lyk tis..as far as i remember..but acting cool wud be great rite now..this is not d 1st time..i used to think it's a curse..haha..but it was so long ago..rite now..i think it's juz a stupid mistake..mistake dat has been made by not juz me, but most of d ppl out there..aint it true?
i guess i think too much..i try play it too safe by avoiding it..but sumhow..i played d game..my own game..n i've lost..lost d battle in my own game..haha..y is tis happen 2 me?? tried to avoid but..as a human..i cant stop it..not at all i pray for it 2 be end happily..nor disaster-ly.. it juz happened..n keeps happening..no, I don’t think its unfair..but more on how we look at it..i take it as a lesson..a lesson to learn..assumptions, judgements shud be kept until it touches the finishing line..
a fren of mine asked..y do i hv to keep tis up?? it can only bring heart ache..but stil i play wit it..i guess..m playing wif fire..myb m trying to fool myslf again..but for me, i juz..want it to be..normal..ppl can definitely see if we changed..i dont want it to be like dat..i juz..wanna be me..n normal..as long as i can go wif it..i will..i noe ppl wont lyk it..but..i guess..things shud be remained but it depends on how we deal wif it..how we face it..n definitely, I can’t run nor I can walk away..facing it wud be difficult but..yeah..wth..it’s life..running away will take u nowhere but back at it..besides, facing ur problem will test ur maturity on handling it..i guess face it lyk its nothing will be great..
tis isn’t a serious matter..but..yeah..i got 2 b strong..to face things..every day..looking at it as a simple mistake..and it wont affect me..myb there is a silver lining..but thank God..coz He showed me before I fall deeper..go a lil further..Alhamdulillah..Allah saved me..i guess dats d silver lining..so dat..i wont lose my stand..principles of mine shall be preserved..yeah..
all I nid is that ppl n my bantal busoks 2 understand..there is only ijao here..so nevmind..i’ll share this prob wif my other bntal busoks at home tis weekend..wic means..m goin back..so..so long..owh..bitter heart of mine..
fin..i rest my case..
p/s: im not okay, I promise..hahahah…I HOPE YOU'LL UNDERSTAND..
