Saturday, November 17, 2012


oh yeah. i've been watching quite a few of these animes recently. and i caught myself fangirling over the male characters like crazy. what can i do? they're just so cool. and *sigh* even the almost yaoi ones too. hahahahahaahh i especially love those tsundere characters. tsundere means at first, that person would so cold, so evil but become warmer later. 

these are some of the ones i've watched: 



GTO *sexy~~*

JUNJOU ROMANTICA *hint of yaoiness*

SEKAI-ICHI HATSUKOI *hint of yaoiness*


these were some of them that i've watched. loved it, still loving it. and recommendable too. hehehe

currently in love with fang li ren from hanasakeru seishonen. he's like friggin sexy and SEXY! hahaha i know i'm being crazy for being in love with anime characters but to the hell with it! THEY ARE GORGEOUS! hahahhah

uuuu~ me like chest muscles~~ smexy collarbones~~ nyahahaha!! pervert me!

so now i need some suggestiosn for more animes to watch! boyxboy ones are welcome too! *i wanna yaoiness! nyahahah* minna, please suggest me the good ones okay? hehehe 


p/s : truthfully boyxboy love is much more interesting. nyahahahaha~!!!!

halloween, birthday and some ranting

hey people, wassup? oh god, it's been so long since i posted something here. truthfully i have nothing to share to you guys. my life is dull, officially. i'm being serious right now! i mean i didnt get to go for bigbang alive tour. my birthday was like as empty as harry potter's. oh yeah, last halloween was birthday, so happy belated me, again. i even thought that my birth date would be the suckiest date ever but thank God it didn't. ahamdulillah to that. it was this close *showing you the small gap between mi thumb and index finger* to be as suck but yeah, it didn't. and almost got a new headphone as my present, and again, didn't. it was a mess, that day, that whole week that i skipped all the classes within that said week. something terrible happened, that's why. but those who knew, keep it to yourself, okay? i'm talking to you tira. hahahah gonna have to catch up with studies. i'm touched that even the lecturers were asking why did i not attend that week's classes. just said i had fever. i did have a fever but also something else. but it's fine now. everything's alright, i guess.

some things remained the same. i see no changes. some, yes. maybe a bit. but i hope for a better future? hahahah i don't even what i'm saying. it's just 2am for God sake. my mind must be wrecked.

oh yeah, since mom and dad went for outstation on friday night, just left my brother, granny and me. guess what? me and mi ol brother attempted to cook something for granny instead of buying. granny's kinda picky so yeah, it's kinda hard. only mom knows what granny likes. at first, granny wanted banana fritters but then, since my bro said "hey since mom left us with perfect supplies, let's cook! how about good old chicken chop?" and i was like "okay! i'm in!", so he thought of making seafood tempura for granny. granny loves seafood. we asked her first, just in case she might reject that idea. but hell yeah, she said yes! hahaha so me and my bro got ourselves busy in the kitchen. between us two, he's a better cook, much better. i would normally do the prepping and washing. hahaha badabing badabang badaboom! we finished granny's first. i made her favorite drink, coffee to compliment that dinner food. we finished ours soon after and we three ate together. crossing fingers, we asked her how they tasted. oh yeah, we made soft shell crab and calamari tempura. and thank God!! she said they tasted good. she even finished the calamari and keeping the soft shell crab, some of it for tomorrow morning! yay!! but sadly, for our side, the gravy was like not up to our standard, so that's a bit disappointing. but the side dishes were awesome and also the chicken too. hehehe gonna ask mom about the gravy's recipe again. we asked and tried but it didn't work out. sad. hahahah

since mom and dad came home just now, i'm back with happiness and giddiness again! weehuuuu!!! hahahaha gonna do some gossiping tomorrow. can't wait! heheheh

that's all from me.


p/s : hey you! yes, you! miss me? nyahahahha

Sunday, July 8, 2012

a deceitful smile, for you

hey peeps. it's been a while, hasnt it? sorry, i've been busy with something else. i could feel the dustiness of this blog. but i really dont have anything to write. but maybe today i got one. and let me warn you, it's kinda emotional? well, i dont wanna put it like that but it could turn out like that. and it could bring confusion and misunderstanding. might as well dont read it.

okay, the truth is that i felt i've changed these days. i'm much more sensitive? i dont know. rather than sensitive, i'm somewhat more frank? i dont know how put it in words. it's these emotions playing around in my mind and of course in my heart too. maybe lonesome? i don't know. but what i do know that these emotions are piling up in me. 

some things happened. quite a few things. and they happened along this 2012. and i could put as first half of 2012 and the soon second half to be, not my year. i faced a lot of heartaches, not the love ones, but other kind of heartaches to the extent that some of it were unbearable. it's not just involving myself but there were some that involved my family too. it makes it more hurtful. but you know, for everyone, i tried to endure it. i can't lie to myself, these things are painful, very hurtful. and as much as i wanna forget them, i just can't. somehow they left scars. my mind, my heart even my reputation, my pride too. i don't just talk about them to everyone as i know not everyone wanna listen. they said they would or willing to but... well i dont wanna put it as a lie but i know, everyone has their own problems and maybe even bigger than mine. 

we just have to be the listener. but listening is tiring. listening is boring. listening is sicking. but! when only it's too much than it should be. i'm not pointing this to any specific individual. it's a general thing and i bet everyone would agree to this. right? if it's just a small little thing, bear it, solve it, confront it or anything that you could with it. if it's a huge thing, maybe seeking for an advice is good. 

what am i blabbering right now? 

some things are connected to each other and it was unbearable but it became bearable and became unbearable again. i know i wasnt supposed to make it the same or to even compare it but the similarities, i just can't overlook. i could feel my brain is cracking, as well as my heart. not because of studies but due to all these craps. should have forgotten them but there are things ignited them. the medium has now dysfunction, as far as i'm concerned. but there are other mediums penetrating in, trying to find useful information, turning it to a source to bombard. a fort has been built but i'm not sure it's good enough to defend. to ignore it somehow is hard. i dont wanna turn it into an infection. 

i dont hate people. i just dont. but i  may dislike. it's hard for me to forget but i definitely forgive. i dont put myself as revengeful person but whatever that has happened, bad or good, my mind kept it well and safe. i'm suffering because of that. because my mind keeps on reminding me things i dont wanna remember anymore. the fact that i, myself am not a good person. so i hope for forgiveness. 

again, what am i saying? why am i saying all these? i dont even have the answers. i couldn't keep my mind straight. but it shouldnt be a bother to all of you. don't worry, i'm not gonna smack you all or something. but sometimes, like i used to say to a friend of mine which i think of her like my sister, "you wouldn't know if one day, you'll see me, not here but in the asylum." she got mad at me because i kept things to myself too much. i wasn't like back then in high school where i could just lift the chair and threw it to someone whenever i wanted to vent my anger. i'm going 21 this year. problems are getting complicated and i need to face and solve it like an adult. but i don't know if i will be as rationale as i should be in the future. when it involves the world rather than a small group of people, i don't think it's easy to tackle. but it's a good thing when there's God and a family that always backed you up and constantly being there with you. even that, i just can't show my sadness to them. my family put me as a heartless person, never let a tear fall. but sadly, i'm not as heartless. but i managed to show one, being all heartless. heartless and ignorant. 

but seriously, right now, i feel heartless. i don't know how i feel now. well, i don't feel a thing. it's blank, empty. it made me wonder if my heart still functioning well. well, it is since i'm still breathing and all. i'm still alive, alhamdulillah. 

well, let's just put these as phases that i must go through in life. we need to be optimistic. Allah's always there. and like i used to say to a few people, if we feel we're right, we need to stand firm. if we feel that we're wrong, just apologize. but i just gotta say this, i'm tired of obliging people and just let them step me, my mind, heart and pride and my family like it's nothing. it's not nothing. it's something. but i know, God is there and he'll judge for whatever we all did, doing and will do. despite all that, there's always a silver lining out of all these. so, it's okay. i'll endure as much as i could. well, i think studies could cover these sores up for a moment. i hope. 

"apa2 je lah. lantak lah. suka hati lah. biar je la. tak yah la amek port. tak yah la amek peduli." these are the words by my accomplice, my one and only brother. we faced quite a few things together. and we always cheer ourselves up like this. and mom and dad would say the same. "let it be. it's alright. it's nothing. it'd be fine. it will be okay." and so these all will be my words, i hope, to everything that happened, happens and will happen in the future.

oh and people who knew what i'm saying, do keep it as a secret please? i beg of you. the things i said were important to be closed and sealed. 

well, i dont suppose this to be writing all these right here. i know there'll be misunderstanding or some sort but hey! this is my blog. i can't write whatever i want here. but i hope there's none of that negativity. this is purely from my heart. i dont intend for any sympathy nor misunderstanding. i dont mind if you guys wanna laugh at me for being this miserable because i dont care. i know there are people who are much more in misery, having much bigger problems than mine, maybe even more humiliating. i could see my problems as small, tiny bits compared to other people. so i dont deserve any pity or anything. because you know what? i'm alright! i'm fine. perfectly fine. i'm eating right and sleeping comfortably. 

oh yeah, to occupy myself, i played a game in ipad called 'shall we date? : Ninja Love'. i fall in love with the rpg and the characters. sasuke, kotaro and saizo. i guess that sis i said in the previous paragraphs knew about this. lol i should find a boyfriend, a combination of these three characters. hehehehe well at least it pushes my heart to a happy state and my mind too.


p/s : smile. 

oh and i'm listening to 2ne1's i love you. i'm loving it. hehehe

Wednesday, June 20, 2012


I kept sticking my tongue back at him. lol. i've gone mad. damn you choi seunghyun! hahahahah well, such a cutie pie, doing like that. i don't get the fingers actually, moving like that. lol


p/s : i wanna kiss youhhhhh!!! hahahahah

Sunday, June 10, 2012

that smirk

somehow i found this rather amusing. that creep-ish smirk of chansung and taecyeon who was about to laugh due to the stubborn-ess of chansung. lol this is fairly amusing.


p/s : love guys with handsome smirk.


Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Bigbang Alive Tour

so you guys must be wondering why i didnt update anything yet about this. well, firstly i do know they're coming and secondly, I SURE AM GOING BETTCCHHH!!!! lol oh! TOP hates girls who like to curse, so i'm gonna take it back. i'll be going yalls! heheheeh

My cousin told me about this since i was having internet problem. He was like "Mandy! Mandy! Do you know BB's coming to Malaysia?" and i was like "What? When?" He went like "They just announced it in the net. Check out the news too. it's all over the media now." and i was like "omg! how didnt i know about that?" He was then like "You're going, arent you? your face, heheheh so excited!" i was like nodding, shrieking and everything. lol

and then i told mom about it.  She was between don't care and okay, i do care. She was like asking me 21 questions. "When? where? How much is the ticket? Who are you going with?" and all. and then i said "For sure it's in KL. When, i dont know." at that time i said June or July but right now, my calculation would be somewhere between october and november. Dear God, please let it be on my birthday, on the halloween day itself! pleasseeee~~~??? heheheh i would be so happy if it's on my bday. and the about the ticket, i just said i dont know but i'll just save up some money. 

and about the person i'm going with. personally i feel so lucky and thankful that when i asked Farah to join and she agreed to it. THANKS SO MUCH FARAH!! LOVE YAAA!!! Farah, let's save up some more and buy the merchandise too!! heheheeh and don't worry, i'll inform you about everything.

so mom said okay and she said to let my brother send me to the venue and all. basically she's okay with it and YAY! I'M HAPPY! 

well, that's all for now. i'll update later. got something to do. bye!


p/s : let there be miracles or at least a miracle that night. ;p

Saturday, May 5, 2012

high cut

well it's been a while i posted something here. i was busy, real busy, so i'm very sorry mi dear blog. so in this post, i'm gonna be boasting about something. I BOUGHT HIGH CUT MAG WITH BIGBANG TOP IN IT!! well, i bought it like a month? 2 months ago? lol well here some of the pictures of it.

i bought it through ebay and i'm so effingly happy about it! i even shrieked! since i got it at the office, the staffs there were like curious because it came as a parcel. they even tried to snatch it from me. though i was like very excited about it, i restrained myself from opening it.

when i went home, opened it in front of my parents, they werent shock instead they were like 'oh, what type of mag is that?' i told them and they were like having a look at it. mom liked the styles and dad's face was like 'that's the guy that my daughter loves? okay.' mom was like 'no wonder you bought this. isnt this the korean guy you adore so much?' i nodded and grinned and all. they didnt even asked how much it cost me or anything. they were like 'as long as you're happy, we're happy'. so thanks mom, thanks dad! heheheheheehe


p/s : i was about to write something but i forgot what it was. well let me think about it again and i'll write it here. okay bye!

Friday, March 9, 2012


well, this is a quick one. they thought TOP IS MY BOYFRIEND yalllsssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why? because i put up this picture as my BB's wallpaper. they said he's handsome, cute. they really believed it. even when i denied it. then i just said, yeah. heheheheheh me likesss. and the fact that the bosses even peeked and thought the same. i think? lol

oh yes, speaking of boyfriend, i got a story to tell. oh this aint gonna be a quick one now. lol yesterday morning, as my brother sent me to the office, he said that "you know what lil sis? i think you should find yourself a boyfriend. he could send and pick you up from work." and i said "better find me a driver if it meant for only driving me here and there." he stood firm to his idea. well, yes, my brother has been my official driver after the parking bays are all expensive here. you want cheap? you have to walk so far away, getting all sweaty before you managed to get to office. oh hell no!! i'm so not gonna do that. since he agreed, he's the one been sending me and picking me up. which i like. lol he even said of telling or suggesting this to mama. normally he would be playing but this time, he really did it. last night, before we four had dinner, he literally suggested that to my mom. mama was backing me up saying that better to get me a driver. mom even said "your dad had 2 PAs who are also his drivers, why don't let one of them or letting them taking turns to send your little sister?" my brother disagreed. "boyfriend is much better, ma." after much arguing, suddenly, mom said something about my brother and having girlfriend. i made an evil face and laughing my ass off at him. lol it didnt end there, sadly. dinner time, he said it again. dad was there at that time. dad was like speechless? he didnt make any comment. just a slight smile to my bro's silliness maybe. i was like 'shut up baffoon!'. but i just said "hey!!!" instead. mom was again, backing me up. thank God. all hail to mama! lol i said to my bro that "it's your obligations as a brother to bring me to wherever i wanna go." he whined at mom. my parents just laughed at that scene. 

and today, i mean this morning, he mentioned about it again. i just ignored him. he laughed hard, trying to pursuade me to find someone. he's been doing so actually, since the first time he told me about his love life. God~ help me~ i wanna live freely and happily~ lol 

listening to drop it like it's hot by snoop dog and pharell. love love LOVE PHARELL!

fin fin fin ~

p/s : top is my boyfriend, for now. just accept that fact, bro. *smirks*

the 2nd and 3rd week

hey yalls!! im back. updates for the 2nd week of LA. well, there's nothing much. i think i've already get used to things here. not to say a pro but yeah, kinda not that blurred much anymore. things are getting tolerable and manageable. some documents or things, i could it on my own. at times, when i desperately in need of help, i'll just bug them. but not to the extend of annoying them. well, i dont really know if i did but i hope not.

well, on that 2nd week, there's a drama happening at this firm. this one lady and this one kid had this psychological fight or something? it's just about taking note, making sure you're not forgetting what you had done and to make it as future reference. well, the kid was being a rebellious and the lady was being sensitive and all. then one of the lawyers who's actually the neighbor of that girl, wanted me to be the one advising her. i was praying hard since day one to be invisible. and because of this fight, they said i was teaming with the kid, which i'm not. after all the mess, suddenly the two became good again. but just in front of the others. what i can conclude here is that 'too much politic, too much drama.' don't you think? because of them, the others seemed to be treating me differently. the fact that i'm not the one who started the fight or something. come on~ seriously? but because of my well-known ignorance and poker face, i managed to pull through the week. and not to mention good friends who have been supporting and listening to me, rambling about these. thanks so much guys. i know you guys are busy and got own problem but i sincerely thank you all for listening to my ramblings.but right now, everything gone fine. at least on my view. they're nicer to me than before. lol well, they already are, some of them. but now, all of them are on the way on accepting me. hope this goes well till the end of this LA.

the third week, scandal. it started at the end of the 2nd week, actually. the kid spontaneously scandalized me with a young male lawyer here. come on girl. that guy already has a girlfriend. but the girlfriend is as the same age as me. lol and i don't like having scandals either. i had many of them in the past, i'm too old for that now. hahaha but the thing is, the guy wasnt helping either with the situation. well, he didnt know about it. for me, he was just being nice, the normal nice. the kid was the one igniting false scandal between me and him. maybe because he's the one who likes to give me the works, the hard ones, keeping me from getting bored to death. well he called it as a 'help' rather than a work. and the fact that he even gave his personal work one time, an agreement document for me to do. it's just aligning the margins at first, but then he asked me to read it, see if he did it right. because i love doing IT kinda things, because it's much simpler than dealing with these laws, so i did it with relax and glad. oh yes, he even said "this is a personal thing. dont tell anyone okay? i'll treat you later." he said it while putting a finger on his lips, indicating it's a secret. he even chuckled after that. i just laughed and shrugged it off though. it didnt really mean anything. the next two days, i think, he received the work and he said it's good, simply beautiful. in my mind, 'it's just a god-damn margin problem.' i know, it's probably because he's being thankful. so yeah, whatever. and then he continued, saying "so umm the project was in the process now, and i'll receive the money soon. so well, umm i'll treat you then, alright?" i just said "okay cool." who doesnt want free food right? lol that's never the problem. the real problem was, he actually leaned at my table while saying all that with the kid watching. she was like whistling, teasing me after the guy's left. lol funny. i found it just normal but the kid, i just. i dont know. maybe she's jealous? maybe she likes him? who knows, right? well, if she is, then be my guest. take him.make him as your boytoy or something. lol she told me the guy was so naive that he sacrificed and spent for his girlfriend so much, in terms of money that he didnt mind if he, himself got none. he would do anything for her. lol well, good thing the kid wasnt here yesterday. wanna know why? yesterday i spent time, after lunch, with him at the meeting room to settle documents for a litigation process. he's being all blur and i was giving him ideas. he said he didnt have much knowledge about that document. it's about construction contract or something. and i think it's his first time handling such case. before this, he usually do on contracts but other types. so we tried to figure it out together. but then we gotta stop because he gotta rush back home. something happened.but i'm so glad, the kid wasnt there. if not, im pretty much sure that she'll tease me like mad man. today, she's here but the guy's didnt come so i'm off from any scandals or anything. lol thank you God. 

oh yes, mom even said not to create or have any scandal with anyone there, i mean here. people might thought of me seducing the 'victim'. lol come on, ma. why would i do that? it's impossible! lol 


p/s : currently in the office, nothing to do, using the office's PC to write this post. they're amazed. lol

Sunday, February 26, 2012

first week of legal attachment

literally, i was shocked. not that shocked face or something but by the culture? no, i don't how to put it. maybe i never had experienced the tasks before so it's kinda shocking. but i managed to pull through. truthfully the ambiance wasn't that shocking. i saw more hectic than the one i'm in now. they didn't gave me much work so basically i was bored. there's always time for me to have a good old daydreaming about whoever or whatever. and guess what? they're the one who got shocked by me. first, my boss didn't actually told his partners and workers about yours truly, coming to the office. i think he told them, the day before? something? lol silly boss. and so, they didn't actually plan anything for me. well, at least, the workers. umm~ they're nice and okay, friendly. the bosses were busy people. i didn't see them unless after lunch or even later than that. once in a while they'll be there earlier than that but they went out early too. lol the tasks were manageable.  oh yes! they were shocked too by the fact that i finished the jobs fast. faster than they thought i would. even faster than them.  well, frankly, i was trained that way. one thing i saw in them was they like to procrastinate. i'm a procrastinator but when it comes to serious matter, i won't be like that. i'll try to finish it fast. and that's why they just didnt have a thing for me to do after that, leaving me staring at them or the PC awkwardly. i didnt like to go online on the firm's PC, it's just unethical, for me. i'd rather go online with my BB or Playbook rather than using the PC. besides, i'm on supervision, so it's not good, right? well, that's for now or this week. we'll see what will happen on the next week.

oh yes! missing eye candies back in my university. here, there's just working people. i hate that. and i'm beginning to question myself, will i ever have someone in that kind of surrounding. lol i know it's weird, but i just did. i was hoping for a chambie student or another attache or maybe a cute male worker or lawyer. sadly, none. maybe i should keep looking at that hotel like building more. ^_^


p/s : i'm gonna have everyday blues. not just monday blues, but EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY. God, help me.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

saw this on smosh



p/s : who's gonna hate them? seriously? lol

Wednesday, February 15, 2012


love the hat and the guys. what can i say? lol


p/s : me wanna that hat!!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

legal attachment

i'm starting to freak out already. in a month i'll have this legal attachment, something like training or practical or whatever bullshit you call it. it's gonna be 3 months, as usual. but it's freaking me out!!! i don't even care about the final papers anymore. i mean come on. i don't think i'm ready or cut out for work just yet. i'm a natural lazy bum, a couch potato, a massive slug! you know, thoughts ran to my mind. like, 'can i actually do it?' 'will i be able to do finish the tasks on time?' 'will the people there hate me?' and other stuffs. i'm trying to figure out how it would be. i'm trying to imagine myself but i don't see any 'light'! all i see is dark! but then again, i thought of you know, the good things. like maybe my boss is a good guy. and the fact, i'll be working in the middle of the city, lunch hour would be the best thing ever. but! i have to face traffic jam and all but that isn't much of a problem. the work itself is! oh God, please spare me. let me be this on brilliant (easy to catch up), lovable and definitely not being a slug during that period. amin. okay. that's about it. got something to do. anyways, pray me for me peeps! for my exams and that 3 hellish months. well it's not that i won't be updating but just saying. eheheheh


p/s : future always freaks me out.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

a cute little thing

Hello peoples of the world. Omg. It’s been a really long time since I updated the last post. Gosh. I’m such a boring person. I don’t have any story to tell. Help me! lol whatever~

Well, I got one thing. I bought this cute little thing!! Heheheeh well, mom bought it actually. I seriously loathe pink but I just got to make an exception for it. It’s so cute, so fluffy and just so ADORABLE!!! Heheheeheh it’s a bunny, if you might be confused. Since it has long arms, I could carry it around. Hehehe I became pilsuk from dream high. Lol but this thing, it goes way to my waist. A very long torso indeed. And it has this small little round tail. hehehehe my elder brother called it as my 'saka'. lol saka is something like a spirit that you summoned for yourself. lol that's so stupid of him. 

this is Chansung's version. mine is similar to this but with longer torso and a very short legs. the legs was like a few inches. lol and yes, i carried it like he did. it's so fun! i didn't manage to take a picture of me carrying it.  but anyway, you can picture it like this. heheheh

oh yes. farah aina, don't be mad. hahahhaah kidding.


p/s : GONG XI FA CAI!! hope this dragon year will be a better year! oh, it's taecyeon's year too! heheheeh 

as he said Dragon catYear of dragon! My year!