for the first time ever

#np jun. k - alive

Hey yo! it's been a while that i personally wrote something here. a month or so, am i right? so um the topic here. well, it's about me and my elder brother. last sunday, if i'm not mistaken, well my brother sent me a.k.a accompany me back to my dorm in malacca. so we're talking like the usual us. you know, teasing each other and basically being nonsense. one of it was about being a stalker. a few days before that we stalked someone on the internet. someone that our cousin likes or loves? i don't know. but seriously, the guy we stalked, he's a douche bag. simply a jerk. but not to blame on the guy only, my cousin seemed to be ignorant about what the guy's been doing. i guess she's blinded by love or something. and yes, it's the first time we sat together and do something like that together. normally we'll just eat or watch tv or talk about gadgets or gundam or business together. it's weird for us to stalk someone together. well, let's put this story aside. it's not the main point here.

um~ well, me and my brother are not those types that you know, share our stories, especially love stories. we just normally talk nonsense. main purpose, 'laughter that matters'. it doesn't really matter much about the topic we're talking. and we're like, do our own thing but we do went out together and so on. but we're the type that didn't even have each others facebook or twitter or even email. we only have each others' phone number and bbm pin. that's all. in one glance, we're like totally two strangers, not siblings. but actually we are. for us, having each others fb or twitter or any other bullshit is like being nosy about each other. but then again, we're hella close to each other. just that we didn't really like or want to know what each other's doing. we just mutually agreed that 'just don't do something bad, it's good enough.', just like that. and pretty much we're happy that way. 

but then, last sunday, suddenly my brother opened the topic of love. i didn't really know how it started. i think it was when we talked about not being nosy about easy other's life. and then, he talked about his love life. the story didn't really surprise me at all. and then he said something like "it's good we're this type of siblings. sometimes, it's better to keep things to yourself and not for your family to know. and it seems like we're both didn't really interested in each others life. which is good. you don't know how many girlfriends i had in the past and i don't know how many boyfriends you had or having. well, i don't even wanna know about it and i think so do you. just that we know our limitations with our partners, that's good enough. don't go beyond the limit."

i was like 'uhuh. yeah. right.' well, i didn't have even have anyone, never. well, maybe he thought i do. have. many of them? i guess? well, fyi, no. hahahaha and yes, i told him. "i don't have anyone right now and never had one? i don't really think about having one either. i'm just too occupied with my own life right now."

and then he gave me love advises. which it sounded like this, "yeah, it's good because you're still studying. i don't want it to affect you either. but just so you know that, you need one. trust me. i mean there are things that you can't tell your family or friends or even best friends. but you can't hold it to yourself either. so by having a boyfriend, you have a person you can talk to, to cheer you up or even to accompany you to eat. i don't want you to be those that you know, hugging, kissing and all that. that's even against our religion. plus, you're wearing hijab. boyfriend here means that someone that can be your friend, your best friend. someone that can hang out with you. spending time with you, even just for a drink at mamak. just someone that can put away your loneliness. basically someone that can listen to you or be there for you when nobody won't be able to. something like that." plus, he said that by having someone and you hang out with him, it may pull you away from your stress world for while. you could relax and have fun for a bit before you go back to your life.

i was somehow, speechless? i don't know. but what he said is definitely true. i just nodded to everything he said. i know that he knew that i always go out or eat alone here in malacca. and sometimes i went out at night alone which is definitely dangerous. and that i'm pretty much a loner. and many things i just kept into myself. he knows i'm that type of person. he always encourage me to find more friends, not sticking in one or two circles of people only. so maybe he thought that i need a boyfriend because of my life. i kept saying to him that i don't really think about having a relationship with anyone just yet. and i don't really have much male friends like i used to, back in high school. but one thing i wanna say but i didn't was that no one actually look at me. no one actually have interest in me. which is true. i don't know if they don't have the guts or what. 

he told me if i have someone, we need to be considerate to each other. being childish to that guy is fine but not to the extent of annoying him. don't be so much of a crybaby, some guys hate it. guys find it difficult to coax their partners especially when they cry. and don't be too independent or too dependent. most importantly, just be true to yourself and to the guy. i think, he's trying to say that i need an almost matured relationship? well, the motive is one, he encouraged me to have someone. maybe because i'm gonna be 20 soon and i'm still like this. alone? isolated? ignorant? he told me what guys usually like about girls. like some guys like him preferred girls without makeup. natural look, couple with simple dressing is cool enough. it's like you're beautiful the way you are. you don't have to be so girlish to attract a guy. just be yourself. the guy needs to like you of who you are and not what he wants you to be.  

he's totally acting like a mother? father? yeah, he's acting like a brother, a good one. and i thank God for having him as my brother. he also did say that he's been wanting to talk about this matter, his love matter and this general love thingy to me. but he can't really find the right time. i think he's afraid that i'll flinched or maybe i'm gonna report this to mama. which i won't. why would i? hahahaah i told him that i don't really mind about him, telling me and advising me about this. i'm cool with that. it's actually an eye opener for me. the funny thing is it went on until we hung out for a while to the moment i went to my dorm. he seemed to be promoting about having a relationship to me through the whole journey, that at one point it was so awkward that we both went silent for quite a moment. 

somehow he managed to convince me. because last few days, i got myself thinking about this matter. and looking at my surroundings, i think maybe i do need someone. but i don't really know how to get that 'someone'. i don't even have the experience. and i'm not like others. i'm not beautiful. i'm not social queen. and sometimes i think i'm invisible. i'm serious. i do sometimes think that i'm invisible. and guys nowadays are all about trendy girls and having fun. i'm opposite of all that. i think i'm conventional. yeah. which i don't think guys would like that. right now, i think i just go with the flow. which again, ignoring everything that's around me and just being alone. hahahaha i don't know. up until today, no one dares to approach me. maybe i'm unapproachable. maybe i look vain. maybe i look weird. i don't know. and let's not think about this anymore. if there's anyone who wants to approach me, be my guest. i like having friends. but boyfriend, i don't know.

well, lets pray for the day that i'll get someone. which will not be soon. or even in another years coming. whatever.

fin

p/s : maybe God's gonna give me TOP or Taecyeon. it's definitely worth waiting if it'd those two. hahahaha 

Dear friends, these are for you guys..

La Familia by Matsumoto Jun

Found a reason to be strong.
You are the one
Always in my heart, my friend.
Every time you call my name,
I will be there
No matter how far, we are friends. 

Friend by TOP & Taeyang

We're friends

When we're together, 

we're like kids

Now I don't know where I am 

and where I'm going

I still feel more alone as ever.

fin

p/s : GOOD LUCK FOR FINALS!

big bang [big show 2010] 1 night 2 days ENG SUBS

OMG! PEOPLE, U MUST WATCH THESE! hahaha..well for those big bang lovers of course..i just saw it last night, i know, i'm so late..but3!! it was so cute!! their friendship and all..awww~ so precious! well TOP was so3 funny..(sorry, but i'm a TOP freak..but i still love them all.. :D) especially when they had this table tennis fight, to win food..hahaha..he said that he's kinda, well, good at table tennis..he said it so confidently..but..when the real match..hahahah he's the BLACKHOLE! hahaahah but daesung is far more of a blackhole than him..hahaha still..cute! well..for other interesting parts(well all), u MUST WATCH these!

fin

p/s : love their sleeping faces...hehehehe..like babies..

sorry to be scrapping

well, yesterday, on the 4/11/2010 a.k.a on TOP's bday (happy belated bday me love! lol) ain, tira and me went out for girls day out..but it's more like day and night out..hahaha it was hella of fun..unplanned..unexpected..and tiring..hahahaha well here's the pics of them..left : tira and right : ain..hehehe

it started off after the criminal class..i went around the campus searching for any cheap car rent..tira n ain were having their tort tutorials so i went 'hunting' alone..then it started to rain and i went to the law lib waiting for them to finish their class..all i got was kancil with only blower functioning and still in negotiation process..so after they finished the class, ain went back to ixora, meeting her mum..i met tira at the staff quaters..then we finally rent a kancil by another owner..quite cheap..rm50 for half day..while waiting for ain, we went to the car, and we thought we could just fill the tank first..deciding how much to put, we concluded RM10..hahaha...i gave tira the car keys..and that's when the story's getting better..hahahah

she thought i'm gonna drive but i said i was only the co pilot, the navigator..starting the engine was fine..just when she wanted to push/pull the car steering, hahahaha she panted..that steering was effin KETAT!!!! lmao! cam body taeyang! lol well..seeing her like that, i offered to drive..n yes..as i try pull/push the steering, it was sooooo hard!!! so ketat!!! i could feel my chest split into two..or three? i could feel my veins,muscles and blood starting to work..dont forget, i could feel the fat burning too..hahaahah one thing's for sure, i felt strong, u know, like iron lady or something..so, we when to get ain and she seemed surprised..hahaha she wanted to drive but when she heard our story, she surrendered..thinking that her and tira's 'capacity' wont do it..hahaha well, through the journey, frankly, i felt like TOP..hahaha..tira generate kan ek? bukan my own thought..hahahah we agreed that i looked like TOP while driving..if you watch the 'tell me goodbye' mv, u can see TOP wearing white shirt, folded the sleeves, wearing studded bracelet and with a very vain face..exactly like me..hahaha okay, something like this..my pic was taken by tira, with her hp..so, sadly i cant put it here..hehehe but..bcoz of the we cant stop repeating the 'sorry to be scrapping, but i just cant let ya' part..hahhaha it was fun 'being' him for a while, tribute to his burpday, i guess..hahaha oh my boo~~ hahahaa but he's sexy and i'm messy..hot mess..hahaha

well basically tira n ain became abah and mama..they were my alert system..n my navigator..hahahaha..i'm just a 'designated dave'..and i could we say we got lucky many times..Alhamdulillah..the road was okay..though shits happened..like that lexus..parking was easy..

food..hahaha..we when to seoul garden..baby abalone taste like 'kekerangan'..hahahawe had fun there..'eat eat and eat' was our motto..coz we're effin hungry..even before, we're in the car, we're whining like kids..so eating was fun..im like a mummy..hahahah..

then we went shopping..we go through all the shops existed in both malls..DP n MP..it was fun..though it's either ain or me and tira disappeared..hahahah..we bought some stuffs..me and tira kinda blown away at the perfume section..when we took a smell of I AM KING by sean john..damn! it's so sexy..sadly, abang wanted it..so..i have to take back the 'sexy' part..hahahah we surveyed some of the perfumes..man! we're like the walking male perfumes..hahaha yes, male..hahaha

end up..ain bought heels and some stuffs at daiso..tira bought some things at daiso too..and yes, green tea latte..right? hahahaha well, as for me, i aimed and bought some accesories..studded bracelet at nose (coincidently just like TOP in that mv since both of us wearing studded bracelet!), rings at rastafari and painful earrings (pic shows one since 1 dah dipakai) at the victoria jewellery..again, TOP happens to have studded/rocket earrings just like mine but a lil bit diff..plain for him and patterns for me..kitorang ada jodoh..hahahaha well, i could say that i'm very satisfied with what i bought..but i wish to buy more next time..but there wasnt much that attracted me..except..abang rastafari..darn! he's so cute..even cangkung with me..*teman secangkung bak kata ain..lol* he also did dance to a jason mraz song which i think it's sooo~~ adorable..hahaha..well tira n ain kinda approved to that, he is adorable, cute and charming..hahaha coz he's fun size..hahaha

we also did watch TAKERS..awesome movie..especially since hayden christensen acted in that movie..my, my..he is so handsome and his senyuman menyenget is so sexy..hot bod..n not to forget, he's so smart in that movie..dear tira had fall for mr paul walker..n we decided t.i. is for ain..hahahah niways, a worth watching movie..so go and watch it! hahah

then we decided to go back since ain have something somewhere to go the next morning..nak dijadikan cerita, i cant unlock the car! the remote wont and didnt work which made me freaked out a bit..it's the middle of the night and in the parking lot and just me and ain since tira went to pay the ticket at the counter..so we tried and tried..until i just gunakan kunci which buatkan die berbunyik..shit! since it wont diam..so last2 we figured it out that it has to be pressed twice to make lock or unlock it properly..so we when to amek tira..we decided to eat at zubaidah..lapa kot..on the way there, where we were still somewhere kat bandar, the tank's almost E..hahaha..per lagi..freaked out la..it's already 12..so i drove as fast as i could, gila tokyo drift, fast and furious, sume la! just to find gas station..i even drift-ed a bit..hahaha..tira said i drove like his man, paul walker..i demanded to be hayden..hahaha so we tried the petronas near mmu..but..oh Lord! it's closed..so i stopped near EP..since ain suggested abrar..but then, we kinda disagreed since zubaidah's food taste better..so tira called her friend, alvin asking for help, by asking him where's the nearest 24hrs gas station ..so we got there, in time..the gas station next to mcd MM..hahahah..so off to zubaidah..

then we realised we have passed the 'half day' period..we went back to mmu to send tira first..but then me and ain decided not to waste the tank..so went pusing2..still..ada minyak lagi..then we decided to kacau tira and enticed to join us pusing2..hahaha..she eventually agreed..about the rent, we just decided to pay whatever the amount that abang will charge us..so we went pusing2 back and forth..to ipk and somewhere2..u turn..go to the Kings..and we also tried another route to town..yes, we almost back to town but then we decided to went back half way..we when pusing2..until it's near, very near to E..sent tira home..and we went to pass back the car to the rightful owner..gladly that abang didnt sleep yet..hehehe..felt sorry for him..coz not just he waited for us (i think), he even gave us discount..he said it's okay, just rm50..one hour extra wont harm..aww~ he is so nice~~ but actually we've reached 2 hours..thus, me and ain went back to ixora..

so that's it..one word : FUN! we've discussed and agreed that we may do this again some other time but to other places..but make sure it is unplanned..hhahaha

fin

p/s : typing this while listening and singing to the song, tell me goodbye..and also haru haru, lies and koe wo kikasete..and only look at me.. heheheh

naega baram pyeodo neoneun jeoldae pijima BABY

naneun neoreul ijeodo neon nareul itjima LADY

gakkeum naega yeollagi eopgo sureul masyeodo

hoksi naega dareun eotteon yeojawa

jamsi nuneul matchwodo neon naman barabwa

again HAPPY BELATED BURPDAY TABI!!!!

it feels like snow

omg..i would say that this is one of the most precious items someone have ever given to me..thanks so much tira..i really really REALLY APPRECIATE it! i might as well buat frame for it..this is so adorable and i almost cried in class..teary la jugak..yes..depan dr noor "God Bless America"..hahahaha but i'm a tough person, so it dried..instantly..hahahah..

it's actually two pictures of TOP..the small one is considered as "wallet version"..tira kata la..hahaha the big one is something like postcard..there are some tear-jerking messages (x massage! lol) by tira..what's written there? i wont tell..i think it's like sacred..so i wont tell..but one thing's for sure, it made me teary..i hate you tira for making me looked softie! hahaha kidding2..THANK YOU SO MUCH MY BUCUK2 BUBU TIRA! *'bubu' sounds nice with your name! lol* i cant say much except i really appreciate it and i thank you so much..it's brilliant! hahaha

well, di kesempatan ini, adik kecil ini (nak rasa muda lagi) ingin memohon maaf jikalau telah menyakitkan hati anda..*this includes you ain dzulaiqa and all of you my dearies (ida farah lisa azlinah etc)* i thank yall for being so nice and kind to me..i dont wish for more..i'm just happy and grateful to have friends like yall..(penat nk mention byk2) again i'm so sorry if im a burden to yall..but this is me..*i'm crying for real right now* you guys are awesome and wonderful friends i've ever had..and i hope this will continue till the day we die..i've always take you guys as bukan kawan2, instead aku anggap korang macam my own sisters..guardian angel juga kadang2..hahaha..really2 grateful, Alhamdulillah..the fights, the misunderstandings and all are parts of our life and thus, i never really take it so seriously..the good times we had and will be, i'll cherish it with all my heart..the laughters we had will always be somewhere in my mind, so i wont forget it..

so sorry for being so childish, ignorant, egoistic, short-tempered, selfish, sarcastic, annoying, heartless, unthoughtful, ungrateful, a pain in the ass (or is it arse? lol) and a lot more which i know u guys memang tak suke gile pasal aku..kene comply dengan aku and cara aku..i'm really2, extremely sorry for that..well, somehow, aku akan jadi camtu balik, tanpa disedari..hahaha still..i'm so sorry..i hope you guys will forgive me..i know i'm notorious *nak hebat je!* but then again, i am who i am..i'll change for the better but please give me a heads up..so i dont belok jauh sangat dari straight line and become a monter..inc..hahahah *omg, hilang tangisan, taip je glak, taip je glak..hahaha* but this is from the bottom of my heart.. ;)

i also did get a hot dog bread by DILA!!! hahaha..a weird gift but it made me happy! so happy! and surprised! hahaha sorry uols..tak sempat makan lagi..i buat breakfast tomorrow okay? hehehehe THANK SO MUCH DILALALA!!!!

okay..dah tak tau ape nak tulis..but the point is IM HAPPY!! :D THANK YOU ALL!!

fin..

p/s : will do the post on the celebration with ida farah n lisa..but kene tunggu for ida to give me the pics.. :D

: and yes, it's written HAK MILIK NABILA MANSOR..gosh! dont be jealous okay! hahahaha