Friday, December 10, 2010

KL..tell me goodbye..

ok..to be frank..i'm so stressed out this whole week of midterm break..i know, i am supposed to be happy, cheery but..no..im all stressed and depressed and gloom..i was so caught up with the works..the assignments..the paperworks given by my dad..and other business matters..well, dear qiena, being me is not that easy and as carefree as u think dear..i may look like im having fun, travelling and stuff, but trust me, it's not like what u see..it's beyond that..

sorry tira coz u have to layan rungutan ak smlm..i just..i didnt know what else to do..n u're the only one yg ad..yakni sbb kte tgh on9..hahah

assignments..ok..it's fair..everyone has to do it..and im sorry if my works didnt reach your expectations farah, ida and tira..so sorry bout that..i'll try to do better..i promise..

then comes the paperworks..it's hard coz we are dealing with important people..not students or kids or whoever..these people are with the dato' ships and wateva ships, boats, canoes..lol so, everything must be perfect..even a slight error like one digit or word salah, habis! im dead..not just me, my whole co's dead..ok...takde la..not really dead..but just susah la..takot misunderstanding pulak..basically, i dont think im cut out for this..for now..but im learning..as fast as i could..

then..there's these discussions about the new projects and so on..alhamdulillah..things are getting better..more jobs coming in..but..more worries and headaches too..dengan modal nye..pekerja nye mana nak cari..and..the jobs..isnt gonna be near anymore..banyaknya ke arah utara..well..u see..i dont know..but there are possibilities that, if we really got the jobs and all, and if more n more jobs coming in from utara in the near future, aku maybe kene move to utara, kedah..and..yer, bak kata abang, jadilah republican of paddy field..lol it's funny..but when i think about it..aku sangat2 depressed..not just coz it got nothing there, but coz it's far and all i can say is "there goes my life!" so now..im thinking hard about this..but ive clearly expressed to mama and abah that i wont agree to the moving thing..i wanna stay in kl..mama kinda agreed to that..and they will think about it..abang agreed to my objection since we still have jobs in kl..but we'll figure it out somehow..

oh and im very2 sorry to ida farah n lisa for not joining u gurls..hangouts and stuff..im so so busy..seriously im not lying..but still, im so so sorry..and..if the moving thing is really happening, i guess, impian untuk hangout dengan korang lagi harapan la kot..memang just kat melaka je la we can go out..

omg..i dont wanna crack my head on these..it's just not the time for me to think about all these..but clearly im unhappy..n worry..as things wont go as easy..i dont know..i dont even know what to think..these things keep playing in my head..but the moving thing, i've pushed it far behind, it's in the back of my mind now..but still, i fell uneasy..Ya Allah, minta dijauhkan la apa2 yang tak patot dari fikiran aku..prior kan pe yang penting dulu..amin..

and u know..sometimes, i thought im not like other average teens yang boleh lepak dengan kawan2, having fun..kata pon stay kat kl kan? but..aku..duduk je kat kl..tapi..either stuck kat rumah handling business matters..or keluar, tapi either dengan abang or abah, yakni tengok employees, jumpa clients, uruskan anything related to our business..i am happy and really grateful to Allah for what i have now, in the past and will have in the future..but like what abang and i had discussed yesterday, he said "if we didnt struggle or work hard, we wont be able to live like this..we may not be luxurious but at least we never lack of money..it's just enough to support a family.." yes sir..affirmative..

and now..i think..we siblings have grown up and matured..though we are still incapable of taking over the family business but we're learning..and for me, we're learning from the bests - everyone..we dont really have the experience but we're gaining it slowly..and that im grateful..oh yes, yesterday we went to KLCC..settling some things..we went by burberry then COACH..we thought of, if we have the money, we gonna shop to those boutiques..abang will definitely buy a bag or wallet from the burberry..and i said, mama will definitely want a coach..she did say it to me once, that if abang or me, dah kerja one day, she wants a coach handbag for her birthday..which at first i think it was impossible..but aku just cakap, insyaAllah i will get it for her..one day..for sure..and when i said these to abang, he said, "insyaAllah..kalau projects nie sume jalan smoothly, jangan kata satu, kite bawak je die datang kedai nie, beli semua yang die nak..janji everyone's happy! " i cant say anything but instead, i just smiled..hoping for it to come true..insyaAllah..i'll pray for it..for everything..i dont want to be like those people yang kaya, tapi tak bahagia..unhappy je memanjang..i want to have a happy family..just that..takde duit pon it's ok..we can still smile happily without any worries..

omg..im babbling right? well..this is the only place to express all my feelings..but sorry la if this seems so, urmm..annoying..but suke ati aku la..blog aku! lol

fin

p/s : again..sorry sangat ida farah lisa coz aku tak penah hangout ngan korang kat kl..but i hope korang faham my situation..


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